Telling the Girls

These three simple words are easy to write but not easy to do. It is not easy explaining to your children why the relationship did not work. How could they understand when they have never been in such a situation? I literally had to google on how to tell your children about a break up.

It took me time to tell them, I knew they already knew what had happened, I had ended my engagement. This topic was going to be sensitive to them because they had already faced a divorce from me and their father and it was not easy. Were they go to react the same way or differently? Were they go to be affected in terms of their school work and social life? Don’t forget that I wasn’t the only one who was in a relationship with my fiancé but also my kids had bonded with him. They had accepted him to their lives and they had learned how to love him. This break up came as a surprise to them, it not necessarily meant they had to end their friendship with him, but they had that to consider.

I needed to call them to a family meeting and discuss with them about this situation. I sat them down and was honest with them about the break up. I made it clear it was never their fault and they were the best thing that happened to my life. There was nothing that was going to tear us apart. I told them about how the relationship was about the couple and when one is not happy, it is not right to continue with the same path. I did not try to blame anyone including my ex.

I was happy about how they reacted. In fact my first born gave me a hug and told me all that mattered was I be happy. I could not hold on to my tears and I cried. Gave them a group hug and I was sure all will be well. This did not affect their social life neither their school work.

Now every child reacts different to the break up and I was lucky that mine reacted positively. What if your child reacts negatively? you should give them time. Only time can heal them. Some children cannot be able to express themselves in words hence you will see some change in some behaviors like being aggressive. You got to give them a sense of you being in control, so that they cannot be reckless. Don’t give them a reason to indulge in reckless behaviors. Always let them know you love them and it was never their fault. They come first even after the decision you have made.

It is also good to tell them they are free to express themselves and their feelings. Within time they will heal and move on. It is very hard to tell your children about the break up but it is the best decision.