This is a question that many would ask if I gave them an opportunity to do so. Are you happy now? Which makes me think that many think that I was in a prison or was sentenced to death row. Which is not true. I had my share of fun, I just chose to say yes to what I should have said no to.
I was afraid of being the person who tells a guy no and shun him off. I was scared of losing an opportunity of giving my children a father figure. I was scared of him being the guy I once knew and I decided to say yes.
What did I gain eventually? Well, I became the most unhappy lady, trying my best to compromise and hope for the best. It was not easy, every single day thinking of how to tell him I did not reciprocate his love and I did not think that it would ever work. I procrastinated till the wedding day on the alter.
You know how everyone has goosebumps and they are not sure if they want to go through this? After a pep talk, they all get confidence and they are ready to get married. Well for me it was different. I knew I didn’t want to go through with this. I still was procrastinating till the time I was walking on the aisle in my beautiful white dress. At this point, I knew my procrastination had its consequences which I was going to pay for.
I had been given the last chance to choose what my consequences would be; to be an unhappy wife or to be a single lady. We clearly know what I chose. So do you think I have gained much or lost more? I tend to think I have gained more. My life cannot be much clearer than it could ever be. I have bonded with my children to another level. I have begun to focus on me which is way important than anything else. I have loved myself even more because I have realized I am much stronger than I could ever be. I have learnt to appreciate who I am and what I like.
I feel better than before. I feel like I belong.
This is even if many people have looked at me in a way that I cannot explain. I still feel relieved and the pressure is all gone. I guess am now focusing on more of who I am and what I want to be. In a society that has never appreciated a single mother, I feel I will thrive in it.
I have gained more than I have lost. I don’t regret anything I did after walking down the isle. Leaving in a world that got you to procrastinate is not the best. Enjoying your life every step of the way is what matters most and it should matter to every woman.